Peeking over the fence

When I was a kid, every summer we traveled the eight hours to Memaw and Pepaw’s house and spent a week.  We would hang out with all of our cousins.  We would stay up late, go hiking in the woods, go play putt-putt, go to the lake or the zoo and eat Memaw’s candy.  We did all the great things you do when you visit Memaw and the cousins. 
Next door to Memaw and Pepaw, our second cousins, two brothers,  were usually visiting their grandma at the same time we were visiting ours.  They were younger than all of my first cousins, so naturally they wanted to hang out with us all the time.  We were older.  We were always doing something, and we could go lots of places they couldn't go … unless they went with us.  They were always knocking at the door, “Um… can Daniel, … or Shae … or Brandon come out and play.”  It started to get out of hand.  So eventually, their grandma told them that they weren't allowed to knock on Memaw’s door.   So they would stand at the door and yell, “Hey? …. Hello… can we come play?”  This happened even during dinner, when we were supposed to have a break.  So their grandma told them they couldn't yell.   The funny thing is, they obeyed her. 
I was headed to Memaw’s kitchen, and I caught them out of the corner of my eye.  The brothers were just standing there, staring into Memaw’s house through the screen door.  The younger brother was probably three or four, so he was up on his tiptoes stretching so that he could look through the screen, nose high in the air. Sad little puppy dog eyes, they just wanted to play.   It was super sad, and so naturally we laughed at them.  We were kids after all. 
It’s one of those distinct images that I can still recall clearly twenty-odd years later.  Little kids looking through a door, wishing they could come in. 

*******

We went up to the orphanage yesterday.  We thought we had done everything right.  We were wrong.

We hadn't been able to go into the orphanage for over a month.  At first it was a quarantine.  The director told us the last Wednesday in January that we wouldn't be able to come the next week because there would be a quarantine.  I’m sure you are asking how anyone knows a week ahead of time that there will need to be a quarantine at the orphanage.  If you are asking that question it shows that you have intelligence.  But intelligence doesn't really apply to this situation, so try not to get hung up on it.   Anyways, the quarantine went on and on.  We went up to the orphanage and hung out on the street outside the fence and got to spend time with the kids who came to see us. 

Finally after three weeks of this (every Ukrainian we know told us that a quarantine lasts two weeks maximum), Doug met with some of the staff and asked what was going on.  We learned that some group had visited another orphanage in the region, gave out some candy and some kids got sick, so all the orphanages were shut down to outsiders.  We talked to other groups and they said they weren't allowed to visit either, and we wouldn't be able to visit for the rest of the month.   
The staff and the director made it seem like they were just following orders from above.  One group of people gave out candy, some kids got sick, so lets lock down every orphanage.  At this point, you might be asking, “ Isn't that an overreaction?”  But I warned you about asking intelligent questions.
The next week one of the girls in the orphanage told us that the Director had told them that visitors would not be allowed in the orphanage until the first of May, three weeks before the start of Summer Break.  Surely that was wrong.  If it was true then the orphanage wouldn't be allowing visitors for three months. 
So, Doug tried to see if he could do something about it.  He went to the head office in Chernigiv and talked to the guy in charge of all the orphanages in the region.  When Doug told them who he was, everyone in the orphanage had heard of him.  He had been helping in Komarivka for 10 years.  They thought that what we do is great, and thanked Doug for all his help.  That was  good start.  Then Doug met with the head of the orphanages and explained the situation.  The guy didn’t know why the Director at Komarivka thought that people shouldn’t be allowed to visit his orphanage.  He told Doug that he had his permission to visit the orphanage.  He also could do a program during spring break, the whole week if he wanted.  And if the Director had any questions, have him call the head office.  If the Director wanted, this guy would even write us a letter of permission. 
We were excited.  The Director could relax because the people above him had cleared us to visit, and we could see the kids again.  We all needed that, because they are our reason for being here, we’re trying to make a difference in their lives.
So yesterday, we showed up at the orphanage.  There was Doug, me, Janna, Kolya and Halya (the couple who will be running Second Chance Home a transition home for kids from Komarivka) and Oksana, our friend from Safe Haven, who comes every chance she gets because she just loves to help, and she love the kids. Doug told everyone to wait, while he and I went in and met with the Director and get his approval to spend time with the kids.  
The first question the Director asked was, “Doug, why did you go talk to the office in Chernigiv?”  Uh-oh. 
Doug replied that he thought the head office didn't want people coming in, so he went to see if he could get their approval.  “Doug, I’m the Director, you can’t go over my head.” 
We spent  most of the next hour in the Director’s office.  Everything was in Ukrainian, so I only understood 30% (which is actually amazing, because I haven’t started studying Ukrainian yet)   But I think I caught most of the main points. 
At first the Director told us that someone else said we couldn't come to the orphanage, but when we told him that the head office gave us permission, he backtracked and said, it’s my orphanage, I decide when people can come back, and you can visit after the 1st of May. 
Several times, he told us that when we visit we can’t give out candy, because the candy could be poisoned.  And you think, “But Doug has been going to the orphanage for ten years.  Has this ever been a problem in that time?” The answer is no.  But seriously, back off with the intelligent questions. 
Anyways, we agreed not to bring candy, we think the kids get too much candy anyways and need more healthy food.  No problem, can we come back? 
“If you bring books, or if you do a lesson with the kids you need to clear it with me first.  I need to see what you are teaching our kids.”  This is a joke, because Doug regularly tries to tell the Director what our plans are and he always just said, “Fine Doug, I don’t care.”  We do crafts and lessons with the kids every week and he never pops his head into our class to see what we are teaching the kids. 
“You need to have a certificate saying that you are all healthy.”  That’s dumb, but we can do it.  Can we come back?
“You can’t come during school hours anymore.”  We don’t and we won’t; can we come back?
“You can’t make the kids pray in school.”  We would never make a kid pray and since we can’t come during school, there is no problem.  Can we come back?
“You can’t come on Wednesday, we are busy.  You can’t come on Spring break we are busy.”  (Those are lies.  The kids have nothing to do during spring break.)  “The only day you can come is Sunday, its the only time we have off.”  We've always come on Wednesdays after school gets out, and its never been a problem.
“And you come too often, why do you want to come every week?  You could buy a couch with all the gasoline you spend coming every week.   From now on you can only come once a month.”  What?!
“And you bring to many people.  You can come Doug and you can bring one other person.”   Don't tell us how to spend our money!
“So can we come back?” 
“Not until the first of May.”
He told us that it wasn’t just us.  All the other groups that visit the orphanage can’t come either.  He had other staff members back him up on that.  But we already knew that.  Our problem was that these ridiculous requirements were being put on us now when we’ve had so many years without a problem. And why couldn’t anyone come until the 1st of May? That was another month and a half.
Doug argued, and tried to understand what was going on.  I listened and tried to understand what was being said.  But the director wouldn’t budge.  What was happening?  Apparently there was a rumor that a Director had lost his job over the candy incident.  And so our Director was scared for his job.  If something went wrong, he could get fired.  So it was just easier to keep everyone out than risk something happening. 
It shows the difference in mindset that we have.  The Director views his job as keeping the kids alive, essentially.  They need to be in school, even if they aren’t learning.  They need to be fed, and they need to stay well.  Anything beyond that is unnecessary.  Other than the clothing, schools supplies, medicine and other things that we bring to the orphanage, he sees no value in the time we spend in Komarivka.
We, on the other hand, want to see the kids thrive.  We want them to have dreams and aspirations so that they strive to learn and grow.  We want them to know that they are loved.  We want them to find a place where they belong.  We want them to come to know Christ. We think the best gift we can give them is just investing in their lives.
If all they do is survive until they age out of the orphanage, then what happens next?   Its usually not a pretty picture.
We've been talking to some of the orphanage staff about Second Chance, the transition home we are starting for some of the kids.  They all agree that it is a good idea, that it is needed.  The kids don’t know how to take care of themselves on their own; they need some help.  But they warn us not to cause problems.  If anything we do even looks like it might cause a problem for them, they will do whatever they can to stop us, because they might lose their job.  Its about self-preservation.  That's why the Director is keeping everyone out.  It has nothing to do with the kids, he’s scared for himself.
And the kids suffer.
At the end of the meeting.  Doug gave the Director an update on Anya.  He told him how we had been under the impression that Anya would be able to return to the orphanage with us, but the doctor had told us differently just this week.  Doug, told him that he was very frustrated, but still pressing on and trying to make sure Anya was taken care of.  The Director thanked Doug for helping Anya, and then as an afterthought asked if he could get the phone number of the doctor so he could check up on Anya, too. 
It was a darkly comical moment for me.  Anya has spent 6 months out of the past year in the hospital under the same doctor and never once has the Director tried to call the doctor.   Doug has even asked him to call and he just wouldn’t do it.  But today he wanted the phone number.  Today he wanted to appear as if the kids were his priority. 

*******

After the meeting, we passed Katya and stopped for a second to talk.  Katya is my 13 year-old sister.  My dad “adopted” her when he was here last Fall, so that makes us brother and sister.  Katya was busying playing on her phone, so she didn’t talk to much.  I was thinking, don’t you know we will only get to be here once before summer?  Put the phone down and talk to us.  Then Sasha passed us with a mop and bucket.  My Sasha.  I tried to give her a hug, but she just smiled at me and kept walking.  My heart sunk.  I wasn’t going to be able to really hang out with her for a long time and she just kept walking.  But then Sasha set the bucket and mop down at the end of the hall, looked around and waved for me to come to her.  And she gave me a big hug.  Remember this moment, I thought to myself. 

We made our  way out to the street.  A handful of kids came over to hang out with us.  The three older girls who really want to live with Kolya and Halya came and talked to them.  I was really grateful for that.  The Director didn’t seem to be stopping our momentum with getting the kids ready to come to Kiev next year. 

Over on the playground I saw some of my friends.  So I walked over to the fence.  Meisha ran up to me first, my buddy.  I stretched on my tiptoes to reach over the fence and shook his hand.  I rested my chin on a groove in the top of the fence, it probably looked pretty pathetic.  Diana, my other sister, Vlad, Dima, and even Zena who is normally too shy to talk to me, came over.  We talked a little bit.  I asked how they were.  They asked why I didn’t come in.  Diana asked when my dad was coming back to Ukraine.  It was so good to see them and talk to them. 

We talked for about 3-4 minutes and then the dinner bell rang.   They said goodbye and I watched them run off.  I stood there up on my tiptoes, watching the yard empty as the kids went to eat.  Wishing I could go in and be with my friends.  I felt just like my second cousins felt: sad. 

We ran a few errands in Komariva and then our crew went to visit a single mom and her kids.  But there were six of us, and I thought that would be a little overkill, so Kolya and I strolled back down to the orphanage to see if someone would talk to us over the fence.  This time we talked to Andrei. He told us the Director had gone home for the day, so we could come in and play.  He wouldn’t know.  But we just stayed outside and talked. 

Next week, I’ll be back there until they let me in to play with my friends.