(Most of what we’ve written thus far is about experiences that we’ve had, cultural observations, and of course Janna has written about 53 ½ articles about food. We haven’t written too much about our ministry here, especially the kids. That is not at all because we don’t have anything to write, it’s just that writing about those things is a little more difficult because we need to know them before we can adequately share with everyone else. That takes time, and that takes language … which takes more time. But this is the first article in a series I’ve been working on about trying to reach out to the kids we are working with in a personal way.)
Think about when you were growing up. How many presents did you usually get? For me I usually got something on Valentine’s Day from my best Valentine ever, Mom. Easter, I got candy, at least. Some kind of present at the end of the school year, and at high school graduation I got enough presents to fill my car. On my birthday, I got presents, a song, and more often than not, a party. I usually got new clothing when school started. Halloween, loads of candy. And then at Christmas it felt like I got enough presents to match the rest of the year put together. And to top that off, family and friends usually brought presents back when they went on trips. All in all, I have received at least 1246 presents in my life-time, and I reckon that I’ve had about 35 birthday cakes (sometimes we had not one, but two parties). Most of us are used to receiving gifts. It’s normal for people to try and make us feel special at least a few times a year.
Our first month in Ukraine, Janna and I celebrated our birthday. We didn’t have a cake this year, but our classmates sang “Happy Birthday” and took us out to lunch. Family and friends wished us “Happy Birthday” in emails and on Facebook, and our families gave us money even though we now live on another continent. We felt very loved and special.
At Safe Haven, there is a little wall covered with pictures. Pictures of everyone playing games. Pictures of weddings. Pictures of different kids making goofy faces. But the week after our birthday, I was looking at the pictures of kids getting birthday cakes. The cakes often looked very plain and homemade (which probably means they tasted better). But in those pictures, the smiles on people’s faces were absolutely enormous.
That day, Janna spent about an hour talking to talking to John, an American who has been working with Safe Haven for almost ten years. She found out that most of the students get their first birthday cake at Safe Haven.
When I heard that, I had to let it sink in. What if no one had made a big deal about my birthday until I was 18 or 19 years old? How would that change the way I saw the world? How would that change the way I saw myself?
Janna was wondering the same thing and immediately started asking what she could do to help. What could she do and give to make the kids feel more special? Janna is a gift giver; her first reaction was to shower the whole house with gifts. But the thing is we are dealing with people who have a chronic sense of feeling “un-special”. The whole world seems to be screaming at them that they aren’t worth anything. Even in Safe Haven, a place where they are loved, cherished, and encouraged, they still are in a house with 15 other students in their same situation. It’s hard to stand out.
Providing for the needs of Safe Haven and all the kids there is good, and critical. But to really make a difference, our giving has to shatter that perception that “I don’t matter.” It has to be personal.
Right now, we’re still learning how to do that. Most of the time, we feel a little out of our league for now, but we are making progress. Janna has been writing letters with two of the girls, and it’s awesome to see the profound impact such a simple act has. I got to go bowling with Ira, Roma, and Roma’s little sister, and I lost, so that better make them feel good about themselves. One of the guys at Safe Haven is an artist and a welder, and so Doug has been pushing for Manna to let him build the gates and the balcony railings at Smile House, because we want to say by our actions, “You do awesome work.” We want to keep doing those things, and we are keeping our eyes and ears open for other ways to give.
Not long ago, we were in the store and passed some cute Kleenex packets.
Janna was inspired.
Fall is upon us and kids always get the sniffles in Fall, which means they need Kleenex. If Janna can carry a few packets of Kleenex, and be ready when she finds a kid with a runny nose to give them a cool packet of tissues, then she will have seized a moment to single one kid out for a gift. It will be personal.
And that’s the point.
We don’t want to give to orphans. We want to give to individuals. We want to give to Sasha, or Vova, or Dennis.
So Janna went ahead and bought 200 packets, cause 2 tons of preparation never hurt. Right?
Janna buried under her mountain of Kleenex
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